This laugh brought to you by Barbie…

Dear Friends;

A Dear Friend sent me an e-mail listing of the Barbies that come from Oregon, one of the top contenders for my long-term place of residence. It was a cute list. Something that was forwarded to him from someone else…

However…

As we all know, if something is to be done to the extreme, it will be done in California. I have already read the press release that was posted about the net over a year ago for the Barbies that were going into production for my own area of Southern California. (That list I am including below, for you pleasure.) At this time I am happy to announce a new Barbie for Release; Grand Traveling Muse Barbie. (Modeled a bit after Moi perhaps…)

I look forward to hearing about the Barbies in your areas… As well as the Barbie that might have been modeled a bit after you…

Cheers, My Dear Friends!
May you all have safe travels and happy Barbie-esque adventures, whatever they may be…





Announcing Mattel’s latest Barbie in their wildly popular Limited-Edition U.S. City and Town Barbie series:

Grand Traveling Muse Barbie-
This Barbie has a matching five piece suite of luggage that consistently goes over weight restriction allotted by all airlines. Each piece comes fully packed with an entire wardrobe to fit any occasion or type of weather. She has a beige SUV she rarely drives due to her preference of air transportation. She comes with Long-distance Ken, a map, guidebook, and several muni/BART/subway passes in multiple cities for when she is feeling adventurous. She has a beautiful room that her mail is sent to in sunny, Southern California, but prefers to visit locales where she can wear a scarf, coat and carry a matching handbag because it's cuter. She likes to maintain her golden color by artificial methods and knows where every good yoga studio is in every town. She never drinks Starbucks, organic gourmet coffee only thank you... This Barbie comes standard with long brown hair, dressed in jeans that do that butt thing, a fitted camisole and sweater set, bright silly socks, a digital camera for her thousands of photographs, a laptop for her Blogging pleasure, and a cell phone she uses to send copious amounts of text messages to her loved ones. Optional Travel Itinerary available, but highly difficult to come by. Note: Travel Itinerary is considerably inaccurate due to constant changes in Barbie’s plans.


And for those who missed this press release last year:

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the San Diego, California area market:

Chula Vista Barbie -
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a pickup truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses. Green cards are not available for Chula Vista Barbie or Ken.

National City Barbie -
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and an infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus/trolley pass. Gangsta Ken and his 79 Caddy (with switches) were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Rancho Bernardo Barbie -
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Oceanside Barbie -
This recently paroled, tattooed & nose pierced Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a ready lifted desert/river Chevy truck with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash - preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about.

Del Mar Barbie -
This yuppie Barbie comes with her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership.

Rancho San Diego Barbie-
Comes with a towel for her head. Is co-owner of a liquor store, along with Ken. Nose job already done, and Ken comes with his own bottle of hennessy and a cigar.

Santee Barbie -
This pale model comes dressed in a shirt, and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's back side when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

La Jolla Barbie -
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.

Lakeside Barbie -
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Leucadia Barbie -
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long,straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She smokes good sinsemilla buds and prefers that you call her " Willow ". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional Volvo wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole Food's Market.

Poway Barbie -
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away working.

Hillcrest Barbie/Ken -
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag sticker with proof of purchase, along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street bookstores.

Pacific Beach Barbie -
This Barbie is always bitching that she can't find a good man in Pacific Beach .

Carlsbad Barbie -
This princess Barbie is only sold at the brand new La Costa Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Southeast Barbie -
This Ghetto Queen comes with optional 'baby-daddy' car and pop-out baby seats. This barbie comes standard with a set of press-on nails and ponytails in various lengths. Don't mess with the breezie. She has a strong attitude and a mouth to prove it. This Barbie also comes with optional girlfriends to help you do drive-by's to find out if Ken is out with some other ho.

Mira Mesa Barbie -
This Barbie is skinny and asian who thinks she knows how to drive. She comes standard with a s00ped up Honda Civic that can only drive 15mph in the city but 90mph on the freeway. Available with a big six bedroom house, 5 grandparents and 20 kids who can run around screaming. Ken comes with a garage so he can s00p up all his friends Hondas too. He can be seen between 12am - 2am zipping up Kearny Villa Road or Mira Mesa Blvd by the 5/805 split