Traversing through HELL…

Dear Friends;

As so many of my loved ones’ relationships lay in shambles, I find that I am myself on the brink of change. It was too long ago that I was faced with the dilemma to stay in a relationship where I was miserably unhappy or to take on the scary unknown and allow for the possibility of something else.

Looking back I understand that what was so scary was not so much the unknown, because it also holds promise and that can be a very thrilling thing. It is the breaking of a pattern. Reaching that point where you keep making the same choices and mistakes, each time having them get bigger and bigger until that little molehill is now this giant mountain. A mountain that if left unattended to starts to landslide right into your lap with disastrous results taking place in your heart. If you do not learn the lesson, then you are destined to repeat it. And when you learn the first lesson, there is always another and another and so on.

Looking back at the choices I made. That I settled to start with… That I did what I thought that I should… That I spent so much time and effort on showing the world what I thought that they wanted to see, rather than what was really there, I can see what I did to create such a disaster in my life.

For my loved ones that are finding themselves in situations that ended up being different than what they truly believed, it is more painful to me than my own losses. They thought that they were getting the fairytale, and then they woke up into reality that was not the future they had envisioned. Shards of what remained scattered about the floor and the choices of attempting to repair the broken bits or sweep them away staring them in the face.

Yesterday, a Dear Friend of mine asked me what she should do. I asked her what she wanted. And she said that she still did not know.

“This is that point of no return. This is that place of irreversible decisions. We all get to it if we ignore or put things off long enough. The question is if you really want what you are about to loose.”

“I want it, but I don’t think I can fix things, make it work.”

“Then it won’t. If you allow for failure, then you will fail. The people who scaled Mount Everest never doubted that they would get to the top despite the lack of air. They did it because they had to. They succeeded because they knew they would. They had to. They needed the air. If you need this like you need the air, then you allow for nothing but success. You will succeed. Even if you do not have the outcome that you thought that you would, even if you hurt for a long time afterward, you will succeed. You will be okay.”

“Will I really? Be okay? Yes. Can you promise that?”

“Yes. You will be okay no matter what happens. You will hurt no matter what happens. For a long time, but, you will be okay. “

This was all said to the person I would choose without hesitation to travel through hell with time and again. We have traversed there so many times, that I know without a doubt, we would make it out to the other side. There are several people that I can say that about, I am exceptionally lucky this way, but this is the number one partner for such excursions in my life. And it hurts every time we discover that we have once again arrived in the elevator going down into the darkness.

I feel like that little guy poking his head out of that elevator wondering which level we are on, but I know that in the end, it does not make a difference. I know that sometimes we find ourselves in hell, sometimes we head right for it knowingly and other times it is the unexpected call that sends us plummeting like a rocket spinning out of control. That was yesterday. The call.

I have taken us to hell so many times that I am very willing to follow my friend there if she needs me. I will hold her hand, as she has held mine, so that she is not alone in her aloneness.

As I come full circle, I look at the future that lies just ahead of me. A picturesque vision of purple mountains with hidden meadows and meandering streams. Hillsides covered in sweet grass and heather. Air so pure that I would never want to stop breathing again. And I realize that I need this air. More than air. I need THIS air. I WANT this air. I am CHOOSING this air. Even when the winter comes and the snow falls and the trees loose their leaves, I still choose this air.

Just like I know I will always make it through hell, and that my most precious of friends will be okay, I know that I love this air. I am looking for a good pair of hiking boots, a Sherpa, and a yak. I think it is time that I move to the mountains.

Disagreeable... Sad... and Fortunate?

Dear Friends;

I just had my first fight with my best friend. And it feels awful. The weight of it feels awful. My stomach is all twisted up in a tremendously complicated pretzel. I hurt. And I ache. But mostly I hurt because he was hurt. I ache because 3,000 miles makes it impossible to reach out and embrace the person I love most at this moment.

And the words “I am sorry” are incomplete. Because while I am sorry that it happened, and I am sorry that I hurt someone who has been nothing short of spectacular, I am not sorry for anything else. I would not take anything back. Or undo things. I learned that this incredible person is greater than I thought him to be. He is kind and gentle while he is not budging an inch. He is logical and thoughtful while we are circling round the same point for far too long. He is honest and communicative, it was he that pointed out the obvious while I was caught up in emotions no less than the depth of his. He was diplomatic, trying to see the other side, while I was stuck firmly planted on mine, not willing to budge an inch. He was brave, for I do not back down anymore. I hold my ground, even when it seems that there is no longer any ground to hold. And he is supportive because all he wanted was to hug me. And I was not the only one hurting.

When it comes to the art of war, I have discovered a formidable opponent. And while war of any kind is a bad thing in the book of my heart, it is also vitally important to make sure that if battles must be fought, that they are fought fairly. I am headstrong and stubborn and not at all graceful in times when I feel backed into a corner or pressed up against a wall. And the discussion of such occasions only brings up those ugly emotions and others right along with it.

This time, after sleeping on things, I feel worse, rather than better. I had lost sight of some important things while carrying around a hefty weight of anger. I had chosen to forget the good things that came from a bad situation because the disappointment was easier to cling to, and the good was so unforeseen and unexpected that I allowed it to fade away as an exception. And that was a disservice to the good.

So sorry is not enough. It seems like it never is. And while I profess to never forget or forgive those rare things that cross lines I find beyond acceptable. I think it is time to figure out a way to let things go. To move past it all. Is that possible? To let go and move to the side to brush past the ugly when it is staring you in the face? To not forget, but to let it lie in a deep hibernation, only to be called upon if vital to survival? Is it possible to forget and remember at the same time?

Now it is time to go and send a message to my heart in the form of my best friend. It is time to thank him for reminding me of what is important, and what is more important than that.

Speeding trains and runaway lives…

Dear Friends;

Things sometimes move so quickly in life that they sometimes get away from where we thought they were heading. At least they do with me.

Snowballs that turn into one of those giant cartoon monstrosities that roll downhill increasing in size and continuously picking up in speed as it plunges on top of and over anything in its path…

Trains that have oversized engines that have been overly crammed full of coal to propel the locomotive at faster and faster paces until its leaves the tracks it is careening along glowing red from the friction…

Bubbles slipping down the sides of a tall glass from the explosion of air shooting down the straw into icy cold milk…

My wonderful and incredible life as it takes on new twists and turns around blind corners and endlessly freefalling into a perpetual state of fear of the unknown and bliss at letting go of those fears anyway…

I don’t know where I am heading…
I have many good clues…
Lots of grand ideas…
Many fabulous indicators…

But really, I just do not know. Somehow I don’t think anyone does really… But I am starting to thrill on that prospect.

Ais’s Top 20 Reasons to be HAPPY in February 2007:

Dear Friends;

This month I have had so many wonderful things to be happy about. It has been very difficult to narrow down the list. I just love it when that happens! Everything from a wonderful Superbowl weekend to fabulous walks on the pier and the endless supplies of hugs from my smallest of Dear Friends… I am feeling loved and lucky indeed. So without further ado…

Top 20 Reasons to be HAPPY in February 2007:

01. “I squeeze you”
02. Driving the boat
03. Meeting the friends of my friends
04. Splashing in fountains in the middle of winter
05. Throwing plates
06. A silly bubble of anticipation
07. Traversing through hell with the dearest of friends because it is your turn
08. Perfect cups of coffee made for you and brought to you
09. Making a million cookies with many family members
10. Exploring anything and everything
11. Taking someone to Disneyland that has never been before
12. Laying down on the train tracks
13. Tea time and cocktail hour
14. Jumping over the widest puddle
15. Long distance telephone dates
16. Sweater weather
17. Torrential downpours
18. Playing “what if” games with Dear Friends
19. Valentine’s Day spent with small children
20. Seeing people in a new light and discovering that you like who they are even more than before

Love, sex and inner-peace…

Dear Friends;

I love you. I have said these words to many people. I have meant them in many different ways. But those words are lacking for depth because often times no matter how much I have tried to communicate what I mean by them, they inevitably get taken in only one way. Romantically. Ironically, it is the depths of my closest friendships that bring me the greatest amounts of romantic love. But I think that is how it should be. At least for me.

I have Blogged back and forth on the concepts and ideals of love, sex, friendship, and emotions, among a great many other things. I have used copious amounts of words to express my thoughts and emotions on everything that seems to pass through my heart and mind. And I still hold too much of what I have come to understand over the past couple of years.

But it is time. To go on. To maintain focus and persevere towards the path I have been chasing and mapping out as my own. I desire to share my path with as many wonderful, Dear Friends as possible, but only to a certain extent. The rest I am saving for those rare individuals who can answer this one question: What is it that turns me inside out, that makes me the me that I was, am, and will become? Only the truest, deepest, closest of loves would be able to answer this as I would.

From now on it is time for me to mind a little less, to feel and believe a little more. I already understand. I already know that I do not know.

For those that I have known intimately in the past, I hope that you understand my words as they are meant. Not as a closing of a door, but as an invitation to more. But you must openly and honestly walk the road of friendship, before I will permit you to hold my hand on the path of romantic love. If this is not the choice you seek to make with me, then I offer you my hand in peace and friendship. That is the only piece of me that I will extend. If you truly know me, if you think to understand me, then you will understand why this is important to me. And you will accept this as being so. For me.

Again, I love you.
Always, I love you.
Accepting of you, I love you.
It is my hope that you feel the same way…

This is HOMEWORK?... Cool!

Dear Friends;

I have been told over and over again by my trainer that I mind too much. I mind the air and the breath in my body. I mind the people about me and the passing of time. I think about the future as I work out the past. I live in the moment as deeply as a person can, while thoughts permeate every fiber of self and being.

I need to stop minding so much…

But how do you grow thoughtful when you let go of thought? How do you let go of thought in the first place? How do you just let go and feel the excitement and joy of that first real kiss?

That is my homework…
To kiss without mind…

Awesome!

Dear Friends:

My "date" last night was so awesome!

I picked him up and he was super excited to present me with a big red heart shaped balloon, chocolate and the cutest card. He read the card to me and tossed his arms about my neck. It was difficult for him to hand over the chocolate, but the look on his face when I told him that we could have some after dinner was one of delight... After all, it is the thought that counts and sharing is very important...

Dinner was good. I forgot WHY it is that I do not have McFood... The McProcessed consumption leaves me feeling McUghhh... But we had a ton of fun on the McPlay Place. I never realized how small those things actually are. It was a tight fit for me in some of those places, an average adult would totally get stuck in one of the U-Bends...

We watched Cinderella III broken up into small viewing pieces, interspersed with bouts of running around the house playing at pirates and swords. We loudly cried Arrrrrrgh... Thar be treasure... Avast ye maties... And Ahoy, I'll get you... Followed by some more Arrrrrrrgh, just for good measure.

We read a few books. I read them to him and then he read a few to me, flipping the pages so quickly as he went, so happy to reach the end of the story and begin again. I love that children possess such an enthusiasm for the joy of repeating the exciting little things...

He actually passed on the Rainbow-sprinkle Sundae. And then, it was time for bed... He was good and played his Sleepy-time music to himself, but was still very wide awake when his Mom and Dad returned.

All in all, it was totally beyond wonderful. And I took an extra-long nap today...

Be Mine???

Dear Friends;

I know this is a last minute posting... But... If you happen to find yourself in the Hollywood area this evening, and are into the FREEHUGS movement, this might be right up your alley...

No matter what, I hope that each and every one of you have the best day ever! One that is filled with love and laughter and great joy and happiness...

As for myself, I have a date with the three year old son of my best friend. We are scheduled to enjoy a Happy-meal dinner followed by a screening of Cinderella III. His parents are going to be enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner for two. Somehow I think I am getting the better of the two dates, but really, it is all about choices... Sit at the table elegantly or be silly in the McPlay Place... Tough choice... Ice cream here I come!!

The following is a copy of the original post that came across a handful of my different Tribes... I hope that I will get to see your smiles plastered across CNN and the local papers. A great thing for a good cause.

Cheers!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Ais




********OPERATION TROOP HUG**********

OBJECTIVE:

To gather as many people as possible in a non-political show of unified support for our soldiers stationed overseas.

PRIMARY MISSION:

To gather One Million Americans to hug in the name of the troops on Valentines Day.

*It is also asked that a Yellow Ribbon or Bandanna be worn as a visible indicator of Non Partisan support.

SECONDARY MISSION:

Create films of the Mission to send to the troops.

*Prior to V-day, Hugging Personnel, hereafter code named HUGGER, will have researched the name of a US soldier or division stationed overseas. They will have created a sign that reads FREE HUGS, and the Name, Rank, Division and location of their Soldier. Or, a specific battalion, company or division may be chosen.

They will also have procured a Video Camera and qualified OPERATOR

Before the application of the HTE (Hug Type Embrace), each HUGGER will show their signs to the Camera, then commence hugging. They will be hugging in the name of their chosen soldier.

Films will be uploaded to You-tube.

Soldiers can then access the films from their current base.

TERTIARY MISSION:

Create a warm place for single HAP, (Hug Army Personnel) and Civilians to be on what can be a very depressing day. NO HUGGER LEFT BEHIND!

*It is also highly advised for single and available Huggers to also wear a RED ribbon or Bandanna, as a visible indicator of willingness to engage in Operations SOULMATE, NEW-FRIEND or HOOK-UP.

LOCATION:

Hollywood Boulevard. Ground Zero is to be Graumann’s Chinese Theatre.

TIME:
7pm. February 14 2007. St. Valentines Day.

STATEGIES FOR DISPERSAL OF HIGHLY UNCLASSIFIED INFO:

1 Operation Troop Hug personnel will be an all-volunteer Army. Officers will be self appointed, based on time and energy given.

2 Using the power of Viral Marketing, Officers will alert the enlisted public of the Mission specifics.

*Key engines available are personal Email lists, My-Space, You-tube, Tribe.net, Face book, Craigs-list, Yahoo, and Dating sites. Officers are also advised to use Word of Mouth by contacting people who have influence within social circles.
(CodeName “OPERATION COOL KIDS”)

*Please forward this Attache to as many people in the Greater Los Angeles area as possible.

*Command base will be on tribe.net. tribes.tribe.net/troophug These are the co-ordinates to co-ordinate all co-ordination.

*Secondary command is www.myspace.com/troophug

*It is also asked that you contact your local mainstream news outlets, PR firms, Newspapers and circulars. Multiple requests for press will cause the mainstream to take notice.

*It is imperative to Link to GENERAL JUAN MANN'S original Free-hugs operation film, to both inspire morale and educate new recruits. To find this film, access You-Tube.com. Search for “Free hugs”. This film is a shining example of what can be accomplished.

V-DAY MINUS 7

February 7th. Officers will start another wave of communications, revisiting original incursion points, and any new avenues of communication available.

V-DAY -1:

Feb 13th. A FINAL full out assault of E-communication.

V-DAY.

Call your Mom.
Converge on Hollywood Boulevard.
Hug everyone.
Film it.
Make new friends.
Meet your Soul Mate.
Show your love.
Show the world what Americans are really about.

V-Day PLUS 1.

Edit your film.
Add music.
Upload.
Take pride in your desire to bring more love into the world.

This message will never self destruct.

L-O-V-E... And the Holy Grail...

Dear Friends;

Last night I had a long conversation with a Dear Friend that lasted into the wee hours of the morning… There were many twists and turns taken over the course of the conversation and we covered a great many different topics of conversation as good friends have a tendency to do… This long conversation, made longer by my need to have my Dear Friend repeat himself over and over, pushed a few buttons… One in particular…

But you’re like the Holy Grail, he said to me…

I sat silent in the dark, letting a wave of different thoughts pass through the gray matter in my head. There was one thought that was persistent in its insistence to stay put in the forefront of my brain…

I have mixed emotions about that, I replied…

Why?

Because of Galahad… I called my heart the Holy Grail… And… Well… Galahad is the only one who ever obtained the Grail… I don’t like what that implies… That sort of perfection is sort of setting a person up to fail… That is a very tall pedestal…

I didn’t know that…

There was another pause. One in which all I could hear was the sound of our breathing reverberating across the phone lines… the sound of breath traversing great distances… Of time… Of miles… Of the space between us… No thought… Only breathing… And then…

Then I want to be Indiana Jones…

What???

I want to be Indiana Jones… He gets the Grail…

He does?

Yeah…

The motor in my brain comes to such a screeching halt that all the pending thoughts rambling about come smashing into that one thought… He switched gears on me! Just like I had done to him a few days ago… Incredibly sweet justice… I never saw that one coming… (I love Indiana Jones… I love the action and the adventure. I love the vibrancy and the whimsy and the subtle depth… I love how things can be serious and still light hearted. I love the era and the clothes and adore the title character… One of my fantasy dream-men… I love how he is dashing and weak. Debonair and silly. Strong and intelligent and still prone to human faults and mistakes. Hmmm…) I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t… Tunnel vision at it’s best and worst… I start laughing… Giggling really… And my Dear Friend joins me in what has become a delightful, contagious, fit of giggles…

Alright, you can be Indiana Jones. But then I want to be Lara Croft…

Awe-some…

Yeah… That was my thought exactly… This is going to be one heck of a ride… There is something to be said for someone who knows you so well that they sometimes seem to know you better than you know yourself… The only word that seems to come to my mind when I think about that is… Awe-some…

So, my Dear Friends… With Valentine’s Day almost upon us… I hope that you all have that Awe-some person in your life… Or several… Parents, children, significant others, lovers, friends, Dear Friends, and especially yourself… Someone that makes you stop and think: Awe-some… I mean the ideal of perfection is great… It gives us something to strive for in ourselves. But the real deal is so much better… It’s… Well… REAL…

I hope that you too can toss away your expectations and loose your tunnel vision (Or have a Dear Friend that can turn on the light when you are sitting in that tunnel of darkness…) and see all of the wonderful things that you already have in your life…

Now THAT is an incredible Valentine’s Day gift…
Kinda-sorta sounds like the gift of…
Yup, you guessed it…
L-O-V-E…

Feel the connection...

Dear Friends;

I sent the following letter to my Pen-Pal. He is a great man that I have never met. We have shared travels and stories and many holidays… All through correspondence… We have seen pictures, but never laid eyes on the real faces of one another… Much the same as it is with so many of us here… I don’t know why this particular letter was impatiently jumping up and down to be shared with the world at large… But it was…

Perhaps it was that part about what I was wearing… I once told another Dear Friend that the colors that you wear say so much about you… The vibrancy of the color says a lot. The choices in color say much, how a person wears those choices says more... But I was sending this letter to a person who wears khaki almost every day… Not by his choice of mood or personality, but by his choice in life. Perhaps it is much the same thing as he is a soldier… A true knight protecting others… I think that even though his body is covered in khaki, his heart is as vivid as the sunrise and as big as the night sky…

So please, I invite you to read my latest letter to this incredible man as he is getting ready to once again be parted from his loved ones for great lengths of time… He is tired and weary and I am sure, as we all are in such situations, a little lonely… But even still he is great…





Dear Friend;

The sandcastles building was canceled today due to the weather... Sorry about that... But something is telling me that you would not have been able to make it... Perhaps when you get back...

I hope that everything is going well with all of your preparations to leave again... It must be difficult to be on the go for so many long hours... At least it is not 20 below and so cold that everyone's eyes hurt from walking to get the mail... My friends back east are having a difficult time of it with the weather. (Makes me remember that there are some really nice things about So Cal... Especially this time of year...)

I'm kind of bummed about the sandcastles... I was going to borrow the three year old son of one of my best friends... She is newly pregnant and having a terrible time of it, so it works well for everyone... I get to borrow a small child to be silly with and she gets to rest and take pictures... I miss my brother's kids terribly and my friend's son is a doll. He says that he is going to marry me... I don't think a girl could get a better offer... Who can resist a small face covered in peanut butter and cookies smiling up at them? Perhaps I am just a sucker...

So another time to go and build this monster castle... I have been getting friendly with the Burning Man community... Getting in touch with my inner hippie I suppose... Not that I really needed any help with that... I have the market cornered on whimsical artist, it is not a big reach to colorful hippie of the new millennium. If you saw what I was wearing today you would only laugh and agree... Orange... Lots of different shades of orange... A little burgundy and pink and cream... But really... Orange... Layers of it.

I like the bright colors when it is so gray outside. They make me feel all lit up inside. So today I look like the sunrise. There is even just a hint of blue in the stripes of my skirt. It is from Israel and every time I wear it people stare. They either love it or they hate it...

But who doesn't love the sunrise? When everything is layered and new and one color flows into the next? It doesn't matter where you are in the world... There is always the sunrise... It's that promise of the new start to things... Another chance, because it is another day...

I love the night sky when it is filled with so many stars. It is what shows you that we are so small in the grand scheme of things... That there is so much awing wonderment out there beyond us... It can take a person's breath away... At least it takes mine away...

But it is the sunrise that makes us a part of that greatness... Wraps us in blankets of vivid color and speaks of the world the way is supposed to be. It is so bold and daring as to suggest that we could even paint our own version of it with how we live our lives...

The sunset envelops us in a similar way... Reminding us that everything that we did that day had an effect in some way... But I like the idea of a start for things, rather than a finish... So I like the sunset, but it is the sunrise that I love...

See... Artist/hippie...

Either way... At least it is something that we can share with anyone in the world and it transcends distance and language and everything else. I like that. I like that if we choose to pause for just a moment we can see such beauty. Even when it is so cold or so barren that there are no flowers or rainbows or even other people... You always have the sunrise...

So there you go... That is where I am at for now...
I hope that you are well where ever you are...

Big hugs,
Ais

Enjoy the ride...

Dear Friends;

My Mother sent me an e-mail today...
It was short and to the point.
In it she said this:

"Life is not a trial run…"

My Mother is wise...

Hugs Please...

Dear Friends;

I am putting my money where my mouth is…
I am walking my talk…
I am ME…
And today that was not easy.
I could use a big hug of reassurance, of acceptance, of congratulations, of support, of friendship, of understanding, of love…

Today was a test. I have my path in this life. I have been answering for my choices made in the past. I will answer for them for the rest of my life. Today, I did not run. Today I was strong. And I am happy. And tired. I will continue to go forward no matter what. I will not go back and I will not stay where I am. I will look to the sky and laugh at the stars as they shoot across the sky. I will see animals in the clouds. And I will laugh with my dearest of Dear Friends.

I have made some important decisions in my recent past:

I do not want to be powerful.
I want to be fierce.

I do not wish to have control.
I wish to be adaptable.

I do not accept my fear any longer.
I accept only my freedom.

I want to live.
I wish only for love and peace.
I accept that death is inevitable.

Today, I did not run.
Today I planted a foot down and answered.
I will not seek.
I do not search.
I WILL NOT RUN.
My destiny is unfolding and I will look it squarely in the eye and meet it with grace and dignity.
I AM.






And... If you see what I see in the photo of fluffy clouds... Then you see a great many birds... All taking flight...

Alternative ways to say “I Love You”…

Dear Friends;

This has been on my mind quite a bit as of late... Alternative ways to say “I Love You”… Not that I think that the good old standby is lacking in it's own merits... But... Sometimes it falls short, or comes on too strong. "I love you". But I am looking for something else... As in other words to express the feeling and emotions that are in the various stages of love...

absorbed, adore, adulation, affection, amity, amorousness, amour, appreciation, ardency, ardor, aroused, attachment, attracted, being smitten, beguiled, besotted, bewitched, captivated, carried away, charmed, cherishing, consumed, crazy about, crush, dazzled, delight, desire, devotedness, devotion, enamoration, enchantment, enjoyment, enraptured, entranced, fascinated, falling for, fancy, fervor, flame, fondness, friendship, gaga over, hold dear, hooked on, infatuation, involvement, itch for, like, liking, long for, lust, mad for, mesmerized, partial to, passion, pine after, prefer, rapture, really into, regard, seduced, sent, sentiment, soft spot, spellbound, stuck on, sweetness for, tenderness, thrilled, tickled pink, titillated, transfixed, transformed, the hots, treasure, turned on, want, weakness, wild for, yearning

I think you get the idea... What I am looking for are the different words to express these thoughts and emotions... If you love someone, you say, "I love you". But what if you are smitten? Or are enamored? You don't say, "I enamour you"... Specifically, that elusive term of endearment when parting... English is tricky this way... We have one word for love, and we just make the intonation different... Or repeat the word.

"I love him."
Okay...
“But do you love-love him?”
“Or do you Looooove him?”
Mmmm...
“I luv him."
Ohhhh…

Other languages have so many words that mean specific types of love… And we have a ton of words that mean similar things, but only one love. But how do you express how you love another person? And how is it that they do not think you mean something other that what you really feel?

I love my Mother
I love my Brother, who is also my best friend
I love my dearest friend that I have known since we practically children
I love my friend that lives 3,000 miles away
I love the new guy that I am dating
I love the 3-year-old son of a very Dear Friend
I love mankind and my fellow man
I love the strangers I meet, the Dear Friends I have not yet met
I love my plant, and I have loved my pets
I love ice cream, I really, really love coffee ice cream
I love adventure
I love me

I love the different people in my life in different ways, for different reasons, and at varying depths… With some of these people, it is easy to express how I feel. I love you is perfect. The relationship defines the understanding of love between us. But what about those relationships that are more ambiguous? (I hate that word. To me it is the antithesis of love. But let’s not get me started there…)

I love you
I adore you
Me too
Ditto
I miss you
Drive safe
Luv ya
You are dear to my heart

So… Where is all this coming from? What is spurning this quest for more knowledge and insight? Well… A variety of things…

As people enter into my life, and as the relationships that I have with them change and grow, the need for a more accurate form of expression is becoming more important. I do not wish to mislead anyone, but I also do not want to ever hold my words in reserve for a later time. I have learned that this moment in time is sometimes all that we have. And if you wait until later, later may not be there. Living in the moment has taken on a greater weight. And the magnitude of telling someone that I care about has likewise become more important.

So, my Dear Friends, how do you express your love for others? What do you say when words are all that you have to deliver your emotions to others? I know that actions often speak louder than words. That sometimes you can just reach over and give the person next to you a squeeze on the arm, and somehow, they just KNOW what it is that there are not the right words to say… And that sometimes a sigh is enough… But for those times that you want something more, something greater, what do you say? For those times that distance separates you, how do you let them know?

Please share… This inquiring mind REALLY wants to know…

Alternative ways to say “I Love You”…

Dear Friends;

This has been on my mind quite a bit as of late... Alternative ways to say “I Love You”… Not that I think that the good old standby is lacking in it's own merits... But... Sometimes it falls short, or comes on too strong. "I love you". But I am looking for something else... As in other words to express the feeling and emotions that are in the various stages of love...

absorbed, adore, adulation, affection, amity, amorousness, amour, appreciation, ardency, ardor, aroused, attachment, attracted, being smitten, beguiled, besotted, bewitched, captivated, carried away, charmed, cherishing, consumed, crazy about, crush, dazzled, delight, desire, devotedness, devotion, enamoration, enchantment, enjoyment, enraptured, entranced, fascinated, falling for, fancy, fervor, flame, fondness, friendship, gaga over, hold dear, hooked on, infatuation, involvement, itch for, like, liking, long for, lust, mad for, mesmerized, partial to, passion, pine after, prefer, rapture, really into, regard, seduced, sent, sentiment, soft spot, spellbound, stuck on, sweetness for, tenderness, thrilled, tickled pink, titillated, transfixed, transformed, the hots, treasure, turned on, want, weakness, wild for, yearning

I think you get the idea... What I am looking for are the different words to express these thoughts and emotions... If you love someone, you say, "I love you". But what if you are smitten? Or are enamored? You don't say, "I enamor you"... Specifically, that elusive term of endearment when parting... English is tricky this way... We have one word for love, and we just make the intonation different... Or repeat the word.

"I love him."
Okay...
“But do you love-love him?”
“Or do you Looooove him?”
Mmmm...
“I luv him."
Ohhhh…

Other languages have so many words that mean specific types of love… And we have a ton of words that mean similar things, but only one love. But how do you express how you love another person? And how is it that they do not think you mean something other that what you really feel?

I love my Mother
I love my Brother, who is also my best friend
I love my dearest friend that I have known since we practically children
I love my friend that lives 3,000 miles away
I love the new guy that I am dating
I love the 3-year-old son of a very Dear Friend
I love mankind and my fellow man
I love the strangers I meet, the Dear Friends I have not yet met
I love my plant, and I have loved my pets
I love ice cream, I really, really love coffee ice cream
I love adventure
I love me

I love the different people in my life in different ways, for different reasons, and at varying depths… With some of these people, it is easy to express how I feel. I love you is perfect. The relationship defines the understanding of love between us. But what about those relationships that are more ambiguous? (I hate that word. To me it is the antithesis of love. But let’s not get me started there…)

I love you
I adore you
Me too
Ditto
I miss you
Drive safe
Luv ya
You are dear to my heart

So… Where is all this coming from? What is spurning this quest for more knowledge and insight? Well… A variety of things…

As people enter into my life, and as the relationships that I have with them change and grow, the need for a more accurate form of expression is becoming more important. I do not wish to mislead anyone, but I also do not want to ever hold my words in reserve for a later time. I have learned that this moment in time is sometimes all that we have. And if you wait until later, later may not be there. Living in the moment has taken on a greater weight. And the magnitude of telling someone that I care about has likewise become more important.

So, my Dear Friends, how do you express your love for others? What do you say when words are all that you have to deliver your emotions to others? I know that actions often speak louder than words. That sometimes you can just reach over and give the person next to you a squeeze on the arm, and somehow, they just KNOW what it is that there are not the right words to say… And that sometimes a sigh is enough… But for those times that you want something more, something greater, what do you say? For those times that distance separates you, how do you let them know?

Please share… This inquiring mind REALLY wants to know…

So did I jump him or not… (for the inquiring minds that want to know...)

Dear Friends;

I promised in my last Blog that I would reveal the success or failure about the proposed jumping of a Dear Friend that had traveled a great distance, that I have not seen in ages, that is a silly nut much like myself… This is where I do just that…

Originally I posted a question on a Tribe asking HOW to jump my friend… For those of you who did not see the thread, I am including below, just my initial post. This way all of my Dear Fiends are on the same page together…



My Post:

I have this really great friend flying into town on Friday… And I really want to jump into his arms when he gets out of the terminal… BUT… I have never done that to someone before… And don’t know if I can without knocking him over…

(He is a really good sport and if I did knock him to the ground, then he would just tease me relentlessly and we would laugh until we cried for years to come, so it’s not really that I am thinking that I shouldn’t…)

It’s just that I don’t think he would expect something like that from me. So it would take him off guard… and he would be tired from the traveling and the late hour… (Oh and I am taller than he is by an inch or two, though he may have me by 20 lbs or so… And while I have leapt into a man’s waiting arms in Ballet, this running, jumping, leg wrapping about the waist thing is entirely different…)

Can this work? Any tips on making this attack more successful?

(The bragging rights about “My friend threw herself at me” are too good to pass up… We are the silly, crazy, anything goes sort of friends… And while I would love to knock his socks off, I don’t relish the idea of knocking him off his feet…)
So the advice came in… And I waited…



Back to the Regularly Scheduled Blog:

I made this huge white balloon hat and wore crazy plaid pants to the airport… I paced up and down the terminal in wait. I hate wait…

His plane was delayed… I called a friend who worked at the airport and asked him where to best accost my Dear Friend… I received the information and rallied to the new location… And I waited…

A little boy about two kept eyeballing my enormous hat. Passersby gave me curious looks and laughed or gave me strange looks and gave me a wide birth. The bevy of limo drivers holding their signs with various names on little placks and pieces of paper were highly entertained by my antics and impatience. I gave the little boy my balloon hat and waited in a strange state of blissful agitation. I hate wait…

The text messages started arriving from my Dear Friend letting me know that his plane had landed, heightening my nerves and excitement… I stood off to the side and peered up to the glassed mezzanine above me and finally spotted my prey… And still I waited…

I love how the way a person moves is so distinctive. That the way they pick up their feet, swing their arms, hold their shoulders, or keep up a certain pace allows for such easy identification. It was how I was able to pick out my five-year-old nephew out of about five hundred bustling, rambunctious school kids when I was giving my best Aunt LaLa impression of Mommyland cab driver this past fall… Picking out my Dear Friend out of fifty ambling, tired travelers was a piece of cake… All I had to do was wait… I hate wait. I really do…

Down the escalator he rode and right by me he passed, turning in the other direction, away from me… So intent on getting to his luggage was he that he never even saw me… And then I realized that I had to get to him before he got to the luggage. If I did not, there would be no chance at all in the jump of hugs like they do on TV. Now I admit, I started in on this whole thing knowing that it would more likely be something out of “I Love Lucy” or “The Three Stooges”… But TV is still inspiration, even in it’s silly folly of the whimsical. So I stopped waiting and started dashing…

Across the section of baggage claim that he had already covered… I will be smart to remember in the future, that even after a long day of travel and cold and being tired, my Dear Friend can move really quickly… I would do well to think that in ordinary circumstances he most likely could cover twice as much ground as I can in half the time… I would do well to remember to share whatever it is I have rather than to take off running as I have done in the past when I am feeling feisty… But I digress…

As I caught up to him I realized that I was behind him and while tackling someone from behind is a good thing, tackling someone who is not expecting it from behind, while they have a backpack that most certainly holds a computer strapped to them is not at all a good thing. Can you just see it my Dear Friends? The inside lineman pouncing on the poor QB while he is dancing on the field holding the glass football shaped trophy shouting out to the crowds in excitement that he is so happy that he won and he is going to go to Disneyland? That would just be poor form of the lineman to forget that the game is over and he lost his chance to take the flying leap at his target… (Can you tell Superbowl Sunday is just around the corner? I digress again…)

So… I slipped up next to my Dear Friend and walked shoulder to shoulder with him for several paces. I was most certainly in his physical space for being a stranger… And the look on his face was priceless. It was fleeting and barely there it passed so quickly by, but there was the tiniest flash of shock on his face… And then the overwhelming expression of total happiness completely replaced any trace of any other thought or expression. He was vibrant and alive and so glorious we started giggling…

And giggling… And giggling…

I may not have successfully completed my first attempt at running into the arms of a dearly missed loved one, even in the comical sense… But the greeting was everything I could have hoped for and more. We giggled like we were up to something and it must be either very good, or no good at all. We were like that for the whole visit. I kept waiting for it to subside. Even after he is returned home to the cold… I keep waiting for the calls to be more somber, the messages more mundane, the e-mails more ordinary… But we just keep giggling… And so I wait…

I like wait…

So did I jump him or not…

Dear Friends;

I promised in my last Blog that I would reveal the success or failure about the proposed jumping of a Dear Friend that had traveled a great distance, that I have not seen in ages, that is a silly nut much like myself… This is where I do just that…

Originally I posted a question on a Tribe asking HOW to jump my friend… For those of you who did not see the thread, I am including below, just my initial post. This way all of my Dear Fiends are on the same page together…



My Post:

I have this really great friend flying into town on Friday… And I really want to jump into his arms when he gets out of the terminal… BUT… I have never done that to someone before… And don’t know if I can without knocking him over…

(He is a really good sport and if I did knock him to the ground, then he would just tease me relentlessly and we would laugh until we cried for years to come, so it’s not really that I am thinking that I shouldn’t…)

It’s just that I don’t think he would expect something like that from me. So it would take him off guard… and he would be tired from the traveling and the late hour… (Oh and I am taller than he is by an inch or two, though he may have me by 20 lbs or so… And while I have leapt into a man’s waiting arms in Ballet, this running, jumping, leg wrapping about the waist thing is entirely different…)

Can this work? Any tips on making this attack more successful?

(The bragging rights about “My friend threw herself at me” are too good to pass up… We are the silly, crazy, anything goes sort of friends… And while I would love to knock his socks off, I don’t relish the idea of knocking him off his feet…)
So the advice came in… And I waited…



Back to the Regularly Scheduled Blog:

I made this huge white balloon hat and wore crazy plaid pants to the airport… I paced up and down the terminal in wait. I hate wait…

His plane was delayed… I called a friend who worked at the airport and asked him where to best accost my Dear Friend… I received the information and rallied to the new location… And I waited…

A little boy about two kept eyeballing my enormous hat. Passersby gave me curious looks and laughed or gave me strange looks and gave me a wide birth. The bevy of limo drivers holding their signs with various names of little placks and pieces of paper were highly entertained by my antics and impatience. I gave the little boy my balloon hat and waited in a strange state of blissful agitation. I hate wait…

The text messages started arriving from my Dear Friend, heightening my nerves and excitement… I stood off to the side and peered up to the glassed mezzanine above me and finally spotted my prey… And still I waited…

I love how the way a person moves is so distinctive. That the way they pick up their feet, swing their arms, hold their shoulders, or keep up a certain pace allows for such easy identification. It was how I was able to pick out my five-year-old nephew out of about five hundred bustling, rambunctious school kids when I was giving my best Aunt LaLa impression of Mommyland cab driver this past fall… Picking out my Dear Friend out of fifty ambling, tired travelers was a piece of cake… All I had to do was wait… I hate wait. I really do…

Down the escalator he rode and right by me he passed, turning in the other direction, away from me… So intent on getting to his luggage was he that he never even saw me… And then I realized that I had to get to him before he got to the luggage. If I did not, there would be no chance at all in the jump of hugs like they do on TV. Now I admit, I started in on this whole thing knowing that it would more likely be something out of “I Love Lucy” or “The Three Stooges”… But TV is still inspiration, even in it’s silly folly of the whimsical. So I stopped waiting and started dashing…

Across the section of baggage claim that he had already covered… I will be smart to remember in the future, that even after a long day of travel and cold and being tired, my Dear Friend can move really quickly… I would do well to think that in ordinary circumstances he most likely could cover twice as much ground as I can in half the time… I would do well to remember to share whatever it is I have rather than to take off running as I have done in the past when I am feeling feisty… But I digress…

As I caught up to him I realized that I was behind him and while tackling someone from behind is a good thing, tackling someone who is not expecting it from behind, while they have a backpack that most certainly holds a computer strapped to them is not at all a good thing. Can you just see it my Dear Friends? The inside lineman pouncing on the poor QB while he is dancing on the field holding the glass football shaped trophy shouting out to the crowds in excitement that he is so happy that he won and he is going to go to Disneyland? That would just be poor form of the lineman to forget that the game is over and he lost his chance to take the flying leap at his target… (Can you tell Superbowl Sunday is just around the corner? I digress again…)

So… I slipped up next to my Dear Friend and walked shoulder to shoulder with him for several paces. I was most certainly in his physical space for being a stranger… And the look on his face was priceless. It was fleeting and barely there it passed so quickly by, but there was the tiniest flash of shock on his face… And then the overwhelming expression of total happiness completely replaced any trace of any other thought or expression. He was vibrant and alive and so glorious we started giggling…

And giggling… And giggling…

I may not have successfully completed my first attempt at running into the arms of a dearly missed loved one, even in the comical sense… But the greeting was everything I could have hoped for and more. We giggled like we were up to something and it must be either very good, or no good at all. We were like that for the whole visit. I kept waiting for it to subside. Even after he is returned home to the cold… I keep waiting for the calls to be more somber, the messages more mundane, the e-mails more ordinary… But we just keep giggling… And so I wait…

I like wait…