Inner-Musings and Mis-Adventures: Drowning in Claustrophobia...

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This blog is an on-going work in progress, just like its creator. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the not-so-innocent. The events portrayed are as true and accurate as my perspective and memory allows, and are subject to change without further notice in the future. You will not find any Pay Per Post on my blog... No advertising. No peddling of anything other than my personal thoughts, opinions, and experiences... If you are reading my words it is because you are choosing to share a birds-eye view into my playground, not because I am pounding down your door asking to come in out the elements uninvited. With all of that out of the way, I really am glad you are here…

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Drowning in Claustrophobia...

Claustrophobia is getting to me hard today... For some unknown reason, I can't shake the feeling of being boxed in, suffocated and unable to draw a deep enough breath... It is overwhelming and it has me feeling a little grumpy... I am drowning in it...

I am back at home... And I would rather be any place else... But I can't think of any place that I would like to be...

I am tired and my brain does not want to think, but I don't want to escape into a movie either. I have had more than my fill of escaping and if the past couple of days have shown me anything, it is that I just want to really LIVE my life, not play at it here and there...

I am weary of the dust and dirt and the chaos that surrounds me... Surrounds me in the physical sense... Stuff and clutter everywhere... Dirt and dust and grime seems to expand faster than I can clean it up... Mountains of things that just need to go away, and yet I have not been taking the time to do more than trundle armload after armload out to the dumpster...

I am restless and unfocused and I just want to be done with it all already... Too many projects... Too much left undone... And never enough time... And I am longing to bury my head under the covers and wish it all away... But THAT is something that I cannot do... That would be childish and lazy... So I will pull on some work gloves... Cram my broken toe into a pair of tennis shoes... And go work on emptying out the garage... It is hot outside... And I will be grimy when I am done for the day... (I say for the day because I know better... There is too much to be rid of to be done in an afternoon...) But then I will have a reason to pout that is valid... Instead of being frustrated indoors, as I am right now...

I would like to be on a plane to see The Boyfriend... But it is not practical or reasonable... I really want to just be held for a bit, but if I can't settle myself, how in the world could someone else... So he goes for a bike ride while the weather holds up there, and I am off to clean the garage down here...

And then, perhaps, I will take myself out to dinner... Though I fret about the food establishments out here... I am picky by normal standards in cities... Out in the rural lands where the food is less than palatable and even chain places do not dare to exist, I am more than a little afraid... My happiness for a good taco salad with tons of crisp lettuce and juicy tomatoes... Now THAT would be bliss indeed...

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A grand sense of adventure, A resonant voice, Action movies, Adrenaline rushes, Ahi- seared, Airports, Al Samoud, Amodicoms, Answers, Artisans, Artwork of women, Asian bakery, Baby greens, Barely there touches that cause goose bumps, Beautifully wrapped gifts, Being able to press pause, Being Aunt LaLa, Being escorted anywhere, Being friendly to strangers, Being held in someone’s arms, Being on the honor roll, Being on the same wavelength, Being swept off my feet, Being the playground, Beurre Blanc, Big hearts, Big hugs from tiny children, Big smiles, Big sunglasses, Black and white TV shows, Board games, Body glitter, Bracelets, Brunch, Bubble baths, Burning the candle at both ends, Cabernet, Cable cars, Café au lait Boston style, Camping, Capers, Card games, Carpet picnics, Catnaps, Change, Chateau Briand, Cheeky briefs, Chef coats with French knot buttons, Chenille blankets, Children’s books, Chocolate anything, Chopsticks for my hair, CK perfume, Cloven follies, Communication, Compassion, Competitive cooking, Connecting the dots, Constant contact, Costumes, Cowboy hats, Cowry shell and lapis jewelry ensembles, Crazy socks, Crossing things off my list, Cuddling, Curiosity, Daily horoscopes read the day after, Dancing in the living room with the lights down low, Dancing in the rain, Dancing with a partner, Desire, Devotion, Dim sum, Dining al fresco, Dinner parties, Down comforters, Drive in movies, Eggplant Parmesan, Empathy, Endless possibilities, Eskimo kisses, Exchanging knowing looks and evil grins, Eye opening experiences, Eyes that sparkle, Family, Feeding ducks, Feeling alive, Feeling truly loved, Firemen, Fires for warmth, Flirting, Flora, Flowing skirts, Fluffy slippers, Flying, Football- playing and watching, French manicures, Friendships that withstand the test of time, Full body stretching, Full moons, Fur rugs, Getting all dressed up, Getting in and out of crazy escapades a la Lucy, Giving and receiving pleasure, Gratification, Green and yellow 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girly- girls, Mending fences, Mental expansion, Mental inertia, Mexican pastry, Milkshakes with my brother, Min Mai hair buns, Mineral make up, Monterey jack cheese, Mushrooms, Naming plants- cars and other objects, Not answering the phone, Oatmeal raisin cookies, Old black and white movies, Open minds, Organized drawers- closets and boxes, Passion, Pasta, Pedicures, Pen pals, People who hold open doors, Perpetual motion, Pineapple, Pink grapefruit juice, Playa wear, Playing dress up, Playing in the playground after-hours, Playing tourist, Playtime anytime, Please and thank you, Pleasure, Popping shirt buttons, Postcards, Pretty sparkly jewelry, Prophylactics, Provocative thought, Pseudonyms, Punctuality, Puppy breath, Purses and shoes that match, Push up bras, Pushing all the elevator buttons, Quality over quantity, Questing for the unknown, Questions, Quietude, Reading, Reading the book before seeing the movie, Real butter, Real maple syrup, Reggaton, Research, Retro bathing suits, 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Tempur beds, Text messages, The colors red and pink, The freedom to be silly, The smell of rain, The sound of a beating drum, The sound of a beating heart, Tire swings, Tolerance, Tomatoes, Travel, Treasure hunts, Tribal music, Uncooked- fresh green beans, Valentines, Vanilla malts, Veracity, Walking arm in arm, Walking barefoot in the sand, Water aerobics, Waterslides, Wearing costumes, Wearing his shirt when it smells like him, Wearing pajamas in public, Weekend getaways, White dishes, Winks, Winning medals, Worn in- worn out jeans, Xoxxxox, Yearning, Yoga, Zany adventures, Zeal, Zest for life, 1000 count all cotton bed sheets, A grand sense of adventure…

Inner-Musings and Mis-Adventures

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Drowning in Claustrophobia...

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