Say “Goodnight Gracie” ‘cause it’s all in your head…

Dear Friends;

How much of having a cold is really the physical body saying that enough is enough? And how much is due to the emotional commotion and the masochistic mental machinations?

I have been running round and round on the little habi-trail treadmill in my mind the past several days, and I am wondering if I have been accomplishing anything beyond just spinning my wheels. Now that my body is run down and crying out it’s own anarchist chant of “Let it go- You are expending too much energy” I have no choice but to obey. I have hardly been able to stand upright since noon… Apparently if I don’t slow down, I will be forced to…

(But my Dear Friends, you all know me very well by now. I always push to hard, too far, too much… And that is the one lesson I have been choosing NOT to learn. I still fully believe that no matter how much time we have, it will never be enough. I must make the most out of every single second…)

It was important for me to spend more face time with Casanova again. I wanted to make sure that things were as they seemed, and not how I was wanting them to be. And that is such a recent lesson, I felt it very important indeed to make sure all was as it should be. And oddly enough, it is even better. Though I find myself desiring to have more of his company than I am likely to have. I am greedy like that. (Though I think to some extent, we all are.)

When I am with him I am at peace. That is one of the biggest draws for me. I am like an addict when it comes to surrounding myself with people who bring out that trait in me. They are very rare, and that is one of the most incredible feelings I have ever felt. (Even better than skydiving, if I must admit to things fully.)

Most people are energy for me. Some give it in overabundance, setting me on edge because of the overflow and almost nervous sporadic sensation. Most drain it, taking as much of my energy as they can before I am needing to recharge. I know that all of life is energy. Positive and negative charges, all interconnected and flowing, the energy just moving about as life. However, there are those rare few that are like a neutral charge. Like being grounded. And with those people, my energy is left to itself to just be as I am. Sometimes we choose to flood the circuits with the flow, but otherwise it is an incredible state of just being.

Casanova is one of those people. And those are the people that I seek out. I also am drawn to the dawning conclusion that even for my party dress and mask, he sees me for me. And the love flows. Just like the energy. And in that environment, I love myself best. I have the space to love everything and everyone, including myself. And for that, I love him even more.

But I pushed it. My need to be as near to a friend that gives me such greatness so generously overcame my sense of responsibility to my health. And that is something that I have been neglecting these past couple of weeks with all of the holidays and excitement… And excuses I know.

So I followed through with the plans I had made, and loved every second of it. And I will continue to push on this weekend, because life is too short. But I just know that this is a warning. My body’s way of telling me that the circuits are jamming and overloaded and there is not enough incoming energy and recharging for all of the outgoing energy… And next week I must slow down. So tonight is Theraflu poppers, followed by Emergen-C chasers and a good nights sleep thanks to the wonders of modern chemistry.

And as usual, there is more on my mind, but things are getting too cloudy and foggy for me to write them down or really process them… But that too, is something that my Dear Friends have come to know of me by now… So let us all shake our heads together, sigh, and say “Goodnight Gracie”…

Goodnight Gracie… (I’ll see you in the morning with my game face on and wearing another brightly colored party frock, ready to take on the world once again…)

Goodnight Gracie… (Sleep well and don’t let the bedbugs bite… Unless you want them to, and then don’t forget to say please, it’s polite that way…)

Goodnight Gracie… (Yup, the drugs have officially kicked in… “Nite all…)