Why You Should Work Out at Home...

Dear Friends;

So I know that I just posted a blog not so long ago and I really did promise to pace myself… but here it is… another day in the life of adventure story…

So I have decided that Springtime is in the air and that I need to be in top Springtime shape… Not to mention that I have discovered that I have a plethora of unused energy these days and no way to expend it… Wow… So the gym is where I can be found running up virtual stairs in attempt to exhaust my body enough so that my brain can function…

Apparently though, my brain does not function properly while on the machines… only after… And as I am not used to hitting the gym so early in the evening, I usually go it alone… Which may not be the case after you read what happened tonight…

I was fortunate (and I am using this word loosely here in recollection of the events…) to have a friend go with me to the gym tonight… She was okay with sitting on the recumbent bicycle next to the climber in the middle of cardio hell…

Now for the proper visual you need to be familiar with the distance between us. About three feet between machines and roughly three feet in height because she is sitting and I am greatly elevated.

So as you can well imagine… Trying to carry on a conversation was rather difficult… And when you add in the noise of the masses all trying to burn the butter off of their bodies all in the same room… Well as for me, I could read her lips… So she could speak softly. Me, on the other hand, I had to speak up. Like when you are talking to that dear elderly relative at the thanksgiving table and are asking them to pass the stuffing… Or when you say something because the volume is really loud on the radio and then all of a sudden they break to commercial… Or you are talking about Lenten resolutions and springtime accomplishments and say something like “You know, I just really need to get a girlfriend…” and this really hot guy decides that at that moment he is going to pass in between your machines and then give you this look like “ Well that’s too bad, I would have asked you out but clearly you are looking for someone with different qualifications…”

And that dear friends is exactly what happened… And not that it was that bad, but the guy on the machine on the other side just shook his head, gave me a long ponder and dismounted his machine… And the guy on the treadmill behind me got off and jockeyed into the newly vacated climber… and he had that “hey baby” grin…

So then my friend is watching all this, and she starts laughing… And heads start turning… And guys are talking to each other and then looking back… And yeah…

So I think that I am better off ending the sweat fest and going to the safety of home for the night…

So Dear friends, this is where you think the story ends, right? Oh but that would not be quite an adventure…

So as we are trekking out to the car which just had to be parked at the far end of the lot, We are laughing about the timing of announcing to the world about my need to get a girlfriend and how that was perceived… (And really, just where have you all gone with it, my Dear Friends who know me so well?? See what a total stranger would think…)

And just as I am saying it again… will I ever learn? There is a small cough and this buffed out guy struts past us in the “hah! I am the MAN” walk… Like he was auditioning for the part for us… And just as he got into his car he stopped and looked to see if we were watching him… Help please!

Nope no help… I am digging myself deeper Dear Friends… Because I switch to a different topic… Sex and the art of perfecting male stimulation…Which I had just been privy to new breaking information and felt the need to share with a close friend so that the information continues to be passed along… (Which is what you should do with useful information… Share it with others, education is a powerful thing and should not be wasted… But I veer off the subject…)

So as I am telling her about this powerful information, yes, another guy walks behind us and another and then another…

Where do they all hide when you want one? I mean, I love men, and I always want them… But the timing was all off… or was it just me?

It was me… Turns out that I am still all spun up and am far too playful to really care… I am in the "Hah! My tongue is longer than yours" state of mind… (Which is what I said...) To which she replied… "You really should get a girlfriend… You could make a woman very happy with that…"

After a few horse and Gene Simmons comments… I realized that there is no way I could have a girlfriend… We would end up spending all the time we were together talking and laughing and gossiping and checking out clothes and playing show and tell with the new tan, manicure, tattoo, shoes, haircut, etc… That nothing would ever happen because there would be no time left…