I really just want the HUG...

Yesterday I was invited to go to Hawaii for a week... I said no.

(This was the right thing to do. And I did not want to go with the person that extended the invitation... But... It stirred a lot of things up...)

And many tears later I am sitting here in the aftermath rather tired. And I need some serious hugging time...

(But really, what is it with bad dreams of things in the ground getting stuck in my feet? Awful things... The first time it was paint balls that kept getting stuck in the soles of my feet and no matter how much I worked to get them out, as soon as I took another step, my feet were filled with them again. Ewww... Last night it was moths and butterflies that were laying eggs in the ground and there was no place to step without getting them stuck in the skin. Ewww... And when they hatched, they swarmed... Honestly, Ewww... I am still unsettled by the whole thing... And while it may not sound like a terrible nightmare to anyone else, it has me all in knots and I still feel sick. I would try to sleep now, but I am rather afraid to... Seriously though, WHAT is this all about? Any suggestions? I would be most grateful...)

I am not too sure where things will go from here... And for now I think I am okay with that... I just really want to let it all go and not care about it anymore. (When it effects not just sleep, but sex and food cravings, it is time to let it go... Yeah, I still am craving penne pasta covered in a creamy vodka sauce topped with fresh Parmesan cheese, and a nice glass of red wine... Followed by an hour long hug... Wait, no sex you say? I know... See... Bad huh? Don't get me wrong, that would be nice... But I really just want the hug...)

I Must Rememeber...

I must remember:

I must remember to pull back...
Not to get too close...
Or to move too quickly...

I must remember to keep things just under the surface...
So that they may be more easily lifted away when the time comes...
To let love go before it takes a deeper hold on my heart...

I must remember to move forward...
That I am not for the ordinary or everyday things in life...
And desire matters not beyond that of want and wishing...

I must remember that words are free...
Easily spoken and shared...
Harder to back up, especially over time...

I must remember that not all are as certain as I...
And that doubting is natural...
But I do not have to wait for anything save myself...

I must remember that my heart is not a prize...
Or something to be given away easily to the next pretty soul...
It is something that should be sought and treasured and earned, every day...

I must remember not to see things as I want to...
Only as how they are in the moment of now...
That time reveals everything, even the secrets that are kept hidden for too long...

I must remember that it is not just I who is dancing to tunes...
Or smiling at the sun...
Tilting at windmills is something everyone does when they feel bold enough...

I must remember that things can be lost before they are ever really found...
That nothing is certain...
And hope may spring eternal if it fed from the wells of love...

I must remember not to leap to high...
Or fall to far...
And that not every splat will end up in a bounce at the end of it all...

I must remember...
Not to forget, or dream to deeply...
Reality is a grand enough thing on its own to behold...

I must remember...

Splash... It's Wednesday...

Okay...

So it is Wednesday...

And the world is spinning... And I wish that my head was not keeping time to it... But it will pass... It always does. And for that I am glad...

But...

If I complain too much about needing to get into shape... Or being too fat... Just remind me that I can still fall into the commode when the lids have been lifted... disgusting, I know... But... There is this thing called a shower...

I guess it must have been funny really...

Clambering in the darkness... Sitting on the closed lids... Realizing that they were both down... (I was tired... Too tired to recall that they are always both left down... Too tired to think... Anything, really...) But hey, I figured it out... I lifted the lid... (Well both lids actually... But like I said... I was tired... and my head hurt... And the world had been spinning double time within the spacial confines of my brain...)

So I lifted both lids and thought I was going to gracefully perch on the edge... And lo and behold, I dropped in... Very ungracefully... Let us just say that my tush is tiny enough to make a splash... An icky... Yucky... Disgusting splash... And the water was cold... Cold enough I was able to focus long enough to fall into the shower...

Well...

I needed to take a shower and bathe that tiny tushie of mine anyway...

Road Trip Wrap Up...

Road Trip Wrap Up…

And so here I sit… In the desk in front of a window in the room of the hotel… Catching up on my Blogs… Both in reading them and writing them… And I am relaxing… I am happy. And I think I am going to sleep away the rest of the day…

Yesterday, the Boyfriend secured an apartment to live in near to his new job… We went to the beach with some more of his wonderful friends… And we scrubbed what was left of the road off our bodies…

They say that if you can survive a long road trip with someone, everything else is a piece of cake. The Boyfriend said that he thought that this might be a make or break sort of a trip… I did too for the reasons that I was meeting so many of his friends and family, not the trip itself… But as it turns out… It was just a road trip. He visited people that he has not seen in ages, I met fabulous new people, and we both got to spend a lot of time together… In very close quarters… We had some great adventures… saw some cool things… And as the Boyfriend says, we managed to not smell like gerbils… So it all turned out okay… And in the end... There is the hair dryer… (It is good to keep things in perspective… If worrying about a hair dryer is as crazy as it gets… Then life really is good… Don’t you agree?)

Road Trip: Day Eight, or Maybe Nine...

Day Eight, or Maybe Nine:

We woke up early, but still being on east coast time, it felt late… That was nice. Really nice. We had granola bars for breakfast… Roadside food holds little appeal after more than a week on the road… And we were on our way… To California… Northern California actually… Twelve hours of driving to tackle… The boyfriend did most of the driving, but I did do a stint in the middle… And the time flew… Pizza in Gilroy for dinner… (Because how can you drive through all of that garlic smell and not crave a pizza?) And then back on the road…

Finally, late at night, we arrived at our destination, checked into the hotel… (A real hotel… With a pretty silk comforter, modern glass sink, and a HAIR DRYER…) and crashed. It was wonderful! We arrived.

There is internet…
Breakfast…
Gym Equipment to be a hamster on if I feel like it…
And yes, even a hair dryer…
Life is wonderful.